There’s something about this time of year, isn’t there? Christmas is starting to creep in, like my cat tentatively checking out a new throw on the settee.
Wreathes start adorning front doors, weird little gonk things appear in shop windows, our TVs are flooded with perfume ads, and in front rooms fairy lights start twinkling … and so do the stress signals in our bodies.
I see it in my clinic every December — women who are usually grounded suddenly feel stretched thin; women who normally cope brilliantly find themselves on the edge of tears because they forgot to buy one gift; women who carry more emotional labour than anyone realises suddenly feel like they’ve hit an invisible wall.
For some reason, we get really worried about the thought that we might be “failing at Christmas.” And if that’s you, then keep reading…
It’s more common than you think and actually quite a natural response to something that we’ve learnt, over time, can be quite a stressful period. The stress is your body responding — very wisely — to pressure that’s both seasonal and deeply cultural.
Let’s talk about why.
Why You Might Feel More Pressure Right Now
There’s a strange duality to December — it’s shimmering and heavy all at once. You can adore the fairy lights and still feel overstimulated. You can love the gathering of loved ones and still feel the simmer of old wounds resurfacing.You can look forward to the season… and yet feel your whole body quietly bracing.
And so many women say, “I don’t even know why I feel like this.”
But your body knows.
Your nervous system knows.
Your hormones know.
Your history knows.
The emotional labour load spikes
Even if you’re someone who plans early, organises well and genuinely enjoys Christmas, the invisible load still multiplies.
Because, despite what we might try to tell ourselves in those silent moments of panic, Christmas isn’t just a day.
It’s:
the mental load of remembering everything for everyone
the emotional labour of smoothing tension, keeping peace, maintaining tradition
the sensory load of noise, crowds, lights, cooking, wrapping, travelling
the time load of doing your normal life plus preparing for festive life at the same time
Even women who aren’t the default “planner” of the family still carry an awareness of how things feel for others.
We tune into atmospheres.
We manage moods.
We anticipate needs before they’re spoken.
And December amplifies all of that.
Your nervous system reads this as a rise in demand.
Your shoulders tighten before you’ve consciously thought about it.
Your breathing shallows as you mentally add another task.
Your sleep lightens because your mind still flicks through lists in the dark.
You’re not stressed because you’re unorganised.
You’re stressed because you care and you’re carrying.
Your hormones are sensitive to expectation
This is one of the biggest, most misunderstood reasons women struggle in the run-up to Christmas - your endocrine system feels the pressure long before your mind catches up.
Cortisol rises with perceived expectation
It doesn’t matter whether that expectation is:
“I need to host the perfect day.”
“I hope everyone gets along.”
“I mustn’t forget anything.”
“I should be happy - everyone expects me to be.”
“I don’t want to let anyone down.”
“I need to get all this shit done first".”
Your body hears the same message:
“Be vigilant.”
Cortisol rises.
When cortisol rises, so do:
anxiety
bloating
PMS
hot flushes
emotional sensitivity
brain fog
cravings
inflammation
So if you’re struggling already with your hormones, your endo is flaring, you’re in perimenopause… if you’ve had a tough year… if you’re recovering from illness… if you’re in a complex family situation… your threshold is already lower.
This is biology - not weakness.
Your nervous system reacts before you consciously do
You may not think you’re stressed but your body is silently reading:
shopping centres with loud music
pigs-in-blankets and nut selections reminding you you’ve got to think about that 1 meal
rushed schedules
unpredictable routines
memories (good and difficult)
reduced daylight
family dynamics that once made you shrink or silence yourself
a subtle pressure to “perform” joy
Sometimes Christmas triggers you not because your life is bad now,
but because your body remembers a time when it was - Your body remembers everything you’ve ever survived at Christmas.
Even the things you were too young to name.
Very few of us can say, hand on heart, that our experiences of family celebrations and festivities have all been without their trials.
Maybe past Christmases were tense, chaotic, lonely, financially stressful, grief-filled or full of pressure.
Maybe you were the peacekeeper.
Maybe you were the child who sensed everything.
Maybe you were the young woman who felt she had to hold it all together.
Your adult self doesn’t consciously remember every detail.
But your body does.
Our bodies store memories — not just joyful ones like the childhood excitement of waiting to see if Santa had come, or trying to hear the sleighbells in the darkness, but also the quieter wounds:
grief resurfacing
old family patterns
the ache of people who won’t be at the table this year
years where Christmas was stressful, lonely, pressured or financially tight
Your body doesn’t distinguish past from present.
It feels the echoes… and reacts.
So when the lights go up… the temperature drops… the shops get busy… the calendar fills…
your nervous system may whisper:
“This is the time of year when we brace.”
It’s not you being dramatic.
It’s not you being oversensitive.
It’s not you “not coping.”
It’s your brilliant, adaptive, loyal body trying to protect you.
And it whispers, “Slow down. Be careful. Protect yourself.”
Reduced daylight impacts hormones more than people realise
Less light = lower serotonin = higher emotional vulnerability.
More darkness = more melatonin = more fatigue.
Cold weather = more inflammation = more pain in joints, gut and womb.
If you’re someone whose mood shifts with seasons, well that just adds to all the stress.
You may feel:
sleepier
more emotional
more introspective
less resilient
This isn’t “weakness.”
This is circadian biology doing exactly what it does every winter.
And so - when you feel overwhelmed, snappy, emotional, tired, scattered or unlike yourself…
You’re simply human.
And beautifully so.
Now let’s bring in some calm.
Not in a fluffy, Pinterest way — but in a real, nervous-system-nourishing way.
Three Ways to Find Calm in the Run-Up to Christmas
These aren’t “try harder” tips.
They’re “come home to yourself” invitations.
They’re designed for women who already give too much, love too fiercely, and forget themselves far too often.
1. The 60-Second Grounding Ritual
(For when everything feels too much)
I’ve taught this to hundreds of clients, and I use it myself whenever December starts to tighten my chest.
Plant your feet.
Breathe out longer than you breathe in.
Drop your shoulders.
Let your jaw have a moment of softness.
Place one hand on your lower belly.
This tells your vagus nerve:
“You’re safe. You can soften.”
Your body switches from fight-or-flight into rest-and-repair.
You can do it in the supermarket queue, in the car before going into a social event, or in your kitchen when someone asks, “What’s for dinner?” for the sixth time.
2. The Gentle Boundary Check-In
(Your energy is finite — protect it lovingly)
This time of year, many women say yes out of guilt, habit or people-pleasing rather than desire.
So before agreeing to anything, ask:
“If I say yes, where will the energy come from?”
“Would the woman I’m becoming say yes to this?”
If your stomach sinks, your throat tightens, or you feel your breath shorten — that’s your intuition speaking.
If your chest lifts, your breath expands, or your heart feels warm — that’s a yes from your body.
Let your body vote.
She always knows.
3. The Five-Minute Sanctuary
(Micro-rest that actually restores you)
You don’t need a spa day.
(Though we’d all happily take one if offered, I’m sure.)
You need tiny, consistent sanctuaries throughout the day — small moments that let your nervous system reset so your hormones can settle.
Try one of these each day:
Lie on the floor with your legs up the wall
Sit in silence with a hot drink and slow breaths
Step outside alone for five minutes
Listen to one song that softens your whole chest
Put your phone in another room for half an hour
Place one hand on your heart and whisper: “I’m here. I’m listening.”
These micro-pauses lower cortisol, improve digestion, support progesterone balance, and reduce inflammation.
Little things, done often, change everything.
This Week’s Invitation
Choose one part of yourself to check in with each day:
Your body: What do I need? What hurts? What feels tight? What feels good?
Your mind: What story am I telling myself today? Is it true? Is it kind?
Your energy: Where is it leaking? Where is it rising? Where does it want to go?
Your heart: What do I long for today?
Give yourself five minutes of honesty.
Five minutes of breath.
Five minutes of tenderness.
And watch how the whole week softens.
Final Whisper for You
You’re not meant to turn yourself inside out for one month (or even 1 day) of the year.
You’re not here to perform Christmas.
You’re here to experience it.
To breathe, to savour, to rest, to connect, to feel held instead of stretched.
Let this be the year you give yourself something too:
Peace. Gentleness. Permission.
Space to be human, not superhuman.
Because when you care for your nervous system, your whole world settles… and joy has room to come in again.
And if December has you quietly whispering, “I don’t want to feel like this next year”then you might want to keep an eye out for Second Fire — my midlife happiness programme for women beginning in March, with a free grounding workshop in February to help you start the year feeling more connected, more resourced and more you.
More details soon… but if your body is already asking for a gentler 2025, this might be the perfect place to begin.
