There was a time I thought I had to toughen up to survive.
To succeed in work, I had to push harder. To fit in, I had to mask my quirkiness. To cope with life, I had to steel myself against it.
Softness, in my body, my mood, and my emotions, felt like a liability. Something to get rid of, to disguise, or to discipline.
But over the years, and in walking this road with so many other women, Iâve come to realise that softness isnât our enemy.
Itâs our compass. Our protector. Our bodyâs first language of healing and, yes, happiness.
How we learned to disconnect from softness
Most of us have been taught to fear softness: To silence the tears and keep going. To flinch at our own reflection when weâre bloated or tired. To believe that being firm, lean, polished, and unshakeable is the gold standard.
But if youâve ever held back your tears in a boardroomâŚ
Forced yourself to go to the gym with aching joints and a screaming wombâŚ
Or berated yourself for not having enough willpower to diet through fatigue or perimenopause...
Then youâve already met the cost of this disconnection.
We donât harden because weâre weak. We harden because the world hasnât made space for our softness.
What if you didnât need to fight your body?
The women I work with often come to me battle-worn.
Their bodies feel foreign.
Their health feels like a punishment.
Their weight feels like failure.
And slowly, gently, through presence and patience⌠something softens.
When we stop trying to dominate the body and start listening to it, miracles unfold.
Not overnight.
Not because of some hack or hero routine.
But because they learn to work with their bodies instead of against them.
Fat, fluid, bloating: Not brokenness, but protection
Itâs wild how many of us were taught that inflammation, weight gain, or fluid retention is purely about âbad habits.â
But in truth?
Bloating is often your body buffering stress or inflammation.
Fat can be a hormonal shield, a source of oestrogen, a deeply intelligent choice by a body under threat.
Fluid protects joints and tissues. Itâs your inner cushion in times of imbalance.
We donât need to fight these things - we need to understand them. We need to ask what theyâre telling us. We need to stop treating our symptoms like enemies and start treating them like love letters from a body that still hasnât given up on us.
My softness was the start of something sacred
I didnât truly start healing until I stopped trying to be good.
Stopped trying to pretend that everything was OK all the time. Stopped trying to wear the right clothes, or look the right way. Stopped trying to please all the people, all the time. And stopped pretending I didnât need rest.
When I finally let myself soften â into naps, into boundaries, into listening â I finally saw shifts and started to find my happiness.
Because when we softenâŚ
We receive.
We feel.
We repair.
Your softness isnât the reason youâre stuck. Itâs the path to becoming free.
But if youâve been âholding it all togetherâ, pushing through, and quashing your softness for some time because your softness has felt like part of the problem, itâs not the easiest thing to invite back into your live.
So, this week, try these 3 rituals to soften and healâŚ
A somatic ritual to reclaim your softness
Place both hands on your lower belly. Let them be warm, grounded, slow. Close your eyes and say (out loud or silently):
âI am allowed to soften. I am safe to feel. My body does not need fixing, she needs love.â
Feel what shifts. Feel what resists. Let that be okay.
Then take 3 long, slow breaths and imagine sending softness to the parts of you that feel most tense or tight.
This is how you begin.
A journaling prompt for softness and self-awareness
Set aside 15 minutes and find yourself a quiet, safe spot where you can unplug from the World. Grab your journalling notebook, or a fresh sheet of paper, your favourite pen and take a beautiful deep breath.
What would I do differently today if I trusted my softness more than I feared it?
Let your answer pour through you.
It may be small (take a break) or big (change a job). But trust that any act of softness is a radical one in a world that asks women to harden just to survive.
A mantra to carry into your week
We often overlook the power of words in our healing journey, or even just in our happiness. Our bodies and our minds listen to the words we say. Repeating mantras and affirmations are a very powerful way of gently inviting in what we need.
So this week, choose a mantra that fits with where you want to be. And if that is around inviting in your softnesss, then tryâŚ
âMy softness is my strength. My body is not the battleground. She is the guide.â
Repeat it in the bath, in the car, in your journal, or in a whisper when you feel that urge to toughen back up.
Ready to find your lighter way?
If your bodyâs been holding the emotional weight of stress, survival mode and decades of trying to âfixâ itself⌠maybe itâs time to try softness instead.
The Lighter Way Collective is a group programme like no other.
I wonât weigh you, shame you, or tell you to eat less and move more. Iâll support you in reclaiming your rhythm, rebalancing your hormones, and reconnecting to your body - on your terms. All in the collective power of a group of women working together.
We donât shame your softness. We work with it.
We begin again in October. Doors close soon.
More details and sign-up here.
