There is a version of you that appears in certain moments.
She is not younger.
She is not thinner.
She is not a more organised, more successful, more healed version of you waiting somewhere in the future.
She is you.
The you who laughs without thinking about how she looks when she laughs.
The you who gets lost in a conversation and forgets to check her phone.
The you who sings along to a song in the car, knows every word and suddenly feels nineteen again.
The you who walks through the woods, the garden or along the beach and feels her shoulders drop before she has even consciously realised she was carrying tension.
The you who loses track of time creating something, reading something, learning something or simply doing something for the pure joy of it.
That woman has not gone anywhere.
She has simply been quieter for a while.
Not because you have failed to keep hold of her.
Not because you haven’t worked hard enough on yourself.
Not because you have forgotten how to be happy.
Life has seasons.
And some seasons ask us to turn our attention outwards.
To raise children.
To build careers.
To support ageing parents.
To navigate illness.
To hold families together.
To survive difficult chapters.
To be practical.
To be responsible.
To do what needs doing.
There is enormous beauty and love in those seasons.
But they can be demanding.
And sometimes, without us even noticing, the parts of ourselves that are playful, creative, curious and spontaneous become a little quieter underneath all the doing.
The body remembers what brings it alive
One of the things I find fascinating about the body is that it keeps a record of what feels good as well as what feels difficult.
We often talk about the body holding stress, grief, trauma and pain - and it does.
But it also holds joy.
It remembers the sensation of dancing.
The feeling of your feet on the grass on a warm day.
The smell of the sea.
The comfort of a favourite song.
The laughter that makes your stomach ache.
The warmth of a hug that feels like coming home.
These experiences are not frivolous little extras to fit around your “real life”.
They are part of what makes life feel like yours.
From a nervous system perspective, moments of pleasure and play tell the body something incredibly important:
“I am safe enough to enjoy this moment.”
They activate the parasympathetic nervous system - the state of rest, restoration and connection.
Your breathing changes.
Your muscles soften.
Your stress hormones settle.
Your body moves away from simply surviving and back towards living.
Traditional Chinese Medicine understands this through the Heart and the Shen - our spirit, consciousness, joy and ability to feel connected to life.
When the Heart is nourished, the Shen has somewhere peaceful to settle.
We often see this in someone’s eyes. Or their smile.
That spark.
That warmth.
That presence.
Not because their life is perfect.
But because there is enough space for joy to visit.
When did everything become about improvement?
There is something I notice often in modern wellbeing culture.
Even our joy has become a project.
Walking becomes a step count.
Reading becomes self-development.
Exercise becomes punishment or a way to shrink ourselves.
Rest becomes something we have to earn.
We are so often encouraged to ask “how can I become a better version of myself?”
But perhaps a more interesting question is “how can I spend more time with the version of myself I already enjoy being?”
Because happiness is not always about adding more.
Sometimes it is about remembering.
Returning.
Reintroducing yourself to things that have quietly been waiting for you.
The clues are often behind us
If you’re not sure what makes you feel like yourself anymore, try not to panic.
You don’t need to suddenly discover a new hobby or reinvent your life.
Instead, look backwards.
Think about yourself at different ages.
What did you love as a child?
What made teenage you feel free?
What did the woman in her twenties or thirties do simply because she enjoyed it?
Perhaps she danced in her kitchen.
Perhaps she went to live music gigs.
Perhaps she spent hours reading novels.
Perhaps she painted.
Perhaps she swam.
Perhaps she travelled.
Perhaps she baked.
Perhaps she wrote.
Perhaps she sat in the garden with a cup of tea and absolutely no intention of being productive.
The answers are often small.
And they are often waiting patiently.
A gentle invitation this week
I don’t want you to add another thing to your to-do list.
You know by now how I feel about turning happiness into homework.
This is not a challenge.
There is no seven-day plan.
No habit tracker.
No gold star for getting it right.
Instead, this week, I simply invite you to notice.
Notice the moments when your body feels lighter.
Notice the people who make you laugh in a way that feels effortless.
Notice the places where your breathing slows.
Notice the songs that make you turn the volume up.
Notice the clothes you put on that make you stand a little taller.
Notice what makes you forget to perform and simply be.
Those are your clues.
Your body is always in conversation with you.
It is quietly telling you where life still feels alive.
A small ritual to reconnect with yourself
Find five minutes this week.
Make a cup of tea.
Sit somewhere comfortable.
Place one hand over your heart and one hand over your lower abdomen.
Close your eyes and take three slow breaths.
Then ask yourself:
“What have I missed doing simply because it made me happy?”
Don’t analyse.
Don’t judge.
Don’t immediately think about whether you have the time, money or ability to do it perfectly.
Just let the answer arrive.
Maybe it’s something you can do this week.
Maybe it is a tiny version of something you loved years ago.
A song.
A walk.
A sketch.
A phone call.
A favourite lipstick.
A trip to the garden centre.
A book from the library.
A dance around the kitchen while the kettle boils.
Small does not mean insignificant.
Sometimes the smallest moments are the ones that gently remind us who we are.
The quieter path to happiness
Perhaps happiness isn’t always something we have to chase.
Perhaps sometimes it is something we remember.
A familiar path we haven’t walked for a while.
A song we haven’t played.
A part of ourselves we haven’t spoken to.
And the beautiful thing is this:
She has been there all along.
Waiting patiently.
Not angry that you left.
Not disappointed that life became busy.
Simply ready to walk alongside you again whenever you notice her.
A gentle next step
This is the heart of the work I do inside Halcyon.
Not creating a brand-new woman.
Not fixing you.
But helping you reconnect with your body, your rhythms, your joy and the parts of yourself that make life feel softer and more meaningful.
Because sometimes the journey back to happiness is not about becoming somebody new.
It is simply about coming home to yourself.
Writing. My oxygen
"Because happiness is not always about adding more.
Sometimes it is about remembering."
Yes! I do get too caught up, and I forget. I am guilty of wanting to build a better me for sure. I want to learn and grow. But you are right, I need to remember the things I love in general and about me. Thank you for writing.